Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
