I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
