ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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