I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize