Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
