he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
