get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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