Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
