Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
