she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
