12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize