You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she told me i tasted like america
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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