I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
