end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
