Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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