Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
