why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
