My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
