Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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