Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
