I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
