God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
