Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
