Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
