even my farts smell like vagina
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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