I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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