Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
