is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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