my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
