How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
