He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
