come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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