Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
