where am i from again
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
