I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
