That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
