best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
