I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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