You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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