Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
