I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
