I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
