Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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