Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
