Porn is love you can see.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
