I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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