She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
