I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
