so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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