she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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