sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
