i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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