Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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