party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
