we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
