we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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