You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
foreskin is a definite game changer
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
