I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
