I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
