It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
