we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
