I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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