Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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