this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
