Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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