Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
