I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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