Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
please come you make the beer taste better
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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